bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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