Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
