I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
whose parrot is this?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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