you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
