Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
birth control should be required to get into college
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
