Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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