Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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