Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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