He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
