She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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