I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
