but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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