His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
