We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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