he puts the penis in happiness.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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