A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Randomize
