His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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