too bad you live with your parents still
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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