weddingsv make me drug and hornr
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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