he shaved USA in his pubs
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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