I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
