My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
