I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
