So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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