Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
