i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
