You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
