awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
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When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
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The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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