Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
