And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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