Where are you?
In a non slutty way
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
