Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
