Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize