I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
