the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
