I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
