dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
