Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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