this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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