Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
