no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
