got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think people are normalizing furries
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
