She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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