Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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