ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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