It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
