before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
