I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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