Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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