dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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