At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
