My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
