so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
