Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
