jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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