3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
