I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
