I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Less talking, more tequila
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
