i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
