Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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