So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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