oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
