I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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