he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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