she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
