I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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