I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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