cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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