im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
