Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
