hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
