he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
