I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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