Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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