Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
