Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
