mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
