There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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