I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
